I am the end of the world. [entries|friends|calendar] Veronica About Me. / Journal. / Icons. / Add Me. / Update. Every now and again, sometimes I get lost on the wind of a dream. The air gets clean and the seas get wide and I can do anything. The pain it won't even cross my mind. There is a wonder in everything. The rope gets loose and the chains unbind and I can do anything. [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[ November 2nd, 2009 @ 9:33pm ] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Fireflies - Owl City ] I'm stuck in bed with the flu, orange juice, Family Guy, and a box of tissues. And I'm pretty sure this is where I'm gonna be dwelling for the next few days. I wish Ryan was here with me. 0 / Comment.

[ October 18th, 2009 @ 12:02pm ] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | There's No Sympathy For The Dead - Escape The Fate ] I can't do this. Ryan is perfect. Everytime we're alone, the world feels alittle more right than it did when I was by myself. We're always together and laughing and kissing and texting and falling inlove. But lastnight everything got fucked up, I think. I hadta close at work so I couldn't go to Craig's party. Ryan was there. Kevin was there. All my friends were there, but let's put the emphasis on Kevin, who is no longer my friend. Ryan texts me at 3am, saying "we need to talk tomorrow". I'm trying to fall asleep, but now I go into a state of panic. I texted him back and said "about what?" and he said "lies" in response to that. I have NO idea what he's talking about so I ask him "what are you talking about?!" and he says, "I talked to Kevin". We haven't spoken since. I sent him a text after that saying something along the lines of "I don't know why you would trust Kevin when everyone knows how much bullshit he's made of". He hasn't answered me yet. But I texted him that when I woke up around 8am this morning and he's probably still not awake yet. Lauren said he was behaving himself and wasn't with other girls, but now that he's mad at me, I don't know what he did lastnight. And I'm worried. I trust him and I don't think he would do that, but I don't know. Kevin, my ex-bestfriend, potentially ruined a beautiful relationship for me. Now I'm panicking at home, waiting for some sort of contact from Ryan to find out what the fuck is going on. And now I have to defend myself and make myself sound good. Why can't he just trust me?! But I guess I don't blame him and I'd do the same thing in his situation. Atleast he's not accusing me or jumping to too many conclusions. Atleast he said we need to talk. He's assuming I'm lying though and that Kevin's right. But I haven't lied about anything I've told Ryan. He's one of the few people I've been totally honest with. But no. Kevin can't stand to see me happy. He has to have everythinggggg for himself, including the one decent guy I've met in the past year, and take it all away from me so he can star in the Kevin Cassidy show. I don't hate people, but I hate him. Please God. I beg of you with all that I have. Please let everything be okay between me and Ryan. Please let everything workout. Please let this go back to normal and go back to how perfect it was yesterday. Please let me get through this. Please let me make the right decisions. Please make this meant to be. Please make this normal. Please fix this. Please be with me. I'm dyingggggggg over here. 0 / Comment.

[ October 16th, 2009 @ 11:22am ] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | I Still Feel Her Pt. III - Jonny Craig ] Sometimes I feel like everything I've ever held onto is magnetized to slip out of my fingertips. Sometimes, I don't know whether you love me or not. Sometimes, I don't know if you'd rather sleep alone or with me in your arms. Sometimes I don't know if I'm making the right decisions or being a good person. Sometimes I don't know if any of my friends are really my friends. Sometimes I don't know if I'm going to make it anywhere in life. And sometimes, it drives me insane. 0 / Comment.

[ October 6th, 2009 @ 11:38pm ] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Wrecking Hotel Rooms - MxPx ] ( These are all I ever go on this stupid thing for. ) 0 / Comment.

[ September 27th, 2009 @ 7:48pm ] [ mood | blank ] [ music | In The Morning And Amazing - Circa Survive ] So I haven't been on here in ages. And when I do decide to waste my time on here, it's to vent about my useless paranoia, because I seem to have nowhere else to do it. I have a new boy in my life. His name is Ryan and he's seemingly perfect. Everything I've wanted. And I feel like it's going to move somewhere someday, which is a plus. And he keeps me moved on from Kevin. That is what I need. He usually texts me back and usually texts me first. I wokeup next to him the past two nights in a row. We went to parties together, dominated beerpong, were publicly affectionate, nothing went wrong. We get home from a party lastnight, lay around his house and watch the Giants game and then I had to go home. He kisses me goodbye alot, like usual, everything is fine. We're texting and flirting, like normal. He says he's gonna try and come out here tonight to come to a party by me. I'm texting him letting him know I'm gonna be out there and I get nothing back. Almost an hour later, no text back. I tell him that I have weed on me. Nothing back. I'm too nervous to check my phone. It's on silent. I asked what he was up to and got nothing. And this is where I get scared that he suddenly hates me. 0 / Comment.

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